I'M BACK...and ready to renew my Faith with God.
It's been years since I posted. I became a very inconsistent and a very busy person due to work. Higher position, new added task and responsibilities all in my area. New adjustments at work due to new staffs, new trainings, new things to learn. But I am back with a very light heart. Light in a sense that, there is nothing in there, it's completely empty with God's wisdom and words and I feel bad. My faith went from up to the sink in just a few years of working and ignoring the most important things in my life...my Faith. I need to renew, to boost and to work on it or whatever you want to call that. I need my real life back. So here I am wallowing in tears as I am writing this. Ignoring myself and God is the most painful thing that I came across and realize in a situation where I cannot find myself into. It's depressing to know that though God is there to let you live and breath but living without really living is such a waste of life. I remembered being happy with something and not being totally happy with it. Emotions are becoming a joke and unreal. Emotions are not on its full power. I feel powerless, depressed, anxiety shoots up everyday, getting angry easier, getting sad most of the time, feeling lonely all of a sudden, feeling helpless.....and so on. This emptiness is somewhere in my heart, emptiness that can't be filled with anything but God. I read my Bible last night for the first time in months (very sad), and suddenly realize that all of those thoughts before, this is the only answer. For the first time in my year, I prayed with tears. Asking for forgiveness and help. I felt relief. This is the beginning of my renewal of faith and I won't allow any circumstances or reason or anything to break my relationship with God.
( I wrote this without thinking of spelling or grammar, please be kind)
-charmpendonini-
It's been years since I posted. I became a very inconsistent and a very busy person due to work. Higher position, new added task and responsibilities all in my area. New adjustments at work due to new staffs, new trainings, new things to learn. But I am back with a very light heart. Light in a sense that, there is nothing in there, it's completely empty with God's wisdom and words and I feel bad. My faith went from up to the sink in just a few years of working and ignoring the most important things in my life...my Faith. I need to renew, to boost and to work on it or whatever you want to call that. I need my real life back. So here I am wallowing in tears as I am writing this. Ignoring myself and God is the most painful thing that I came across and realize in a situation where I cannot find myself into. It's depressing to know that though God is there to let you live and breath but living without really living is such a waste of life. I remembered being happy with something and not being totally happy with it. Emotions are becoming a joke and unreal. Emotions are not on its full power. I feel powerless, depressed, anxiety shoots up everyday, getting angry easier, getting sad most of the time, feeling lonely all of a sudden, feeling helpless.....and so on. This emptiness is somewhere in my heart, emptiness that can't be filled with anything but God. I read my Bible last night for the first time in months (very sad), and suddenly realize that all of those thoughts before, this is the only answer. For the first time in my year, I prayed with tears. Asking for forgiveness and help. I felt relief. This is the beginning of my renewal of faith and I won't allow any circumstances or reason or anything to break my relationship with God.
( I wrote this without thinking of spelling or grammar, please be kind)
-charmpendonini-
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